Basically, I am an emotional person. My heart has better control of my mind. Being a mother has made it worse. I keep thinking on my children's welfare if both Mr.Fred and I are no longer breathing in this polluted world.
Watching the news is not a pleasant task anymore. I browse through the papers, looking for interesting pieces of news, instead of perusing through it.
When others fight, go through tribulations in their marriages, has troubles in life, I get worried. I worried about them, worried that it could happen to me, worried what would happened to me and the kids if it were to happen to us, worried, worried, worried.
Every decision made, either by me or Mr.Fred, I would worry. Worry at the consequences, worry that it could be a wrong decision, worry, worry, worry.
The reasons...
1. The world is getting harsher and more difficult to live in, day by day. Family bond is not what it used to be. We tend to quarrel at petty things and we always wanna win in those fights. We feel that every decision that we make is right, we never care for explanations anymore. As long we emerge winners in the fights, we feel smug. We dig far and near to find battling grounds where we would emerge victorious. What happens next is beyond our care. Or we feel that simply by saying sorry, all broken fences would be mended. We forget that when harsh words are exchanged, there would be scars left behind. Some scars are superficials, they are easily healed. Some scars are beyond healing... So, how do we survived? We forget that when we fight, others are affected. Innocent parties. Parties who are torn when their loved ones bicker. They can't choose sides, for fear of losing any.
I have always believe that family is the root to and of everything. I truly pray that my children would grow up as a close knit family. That they would always be at each other side, through thick and thin. I hope they will never forget how special they are to me, and to each other. when they fight, words and decisions are made carefully as not to harm one another. They should remember that the objective of a fight is not to win, but to settle issues. They have to remember the outcome of every decision made, the impact it would create. To me, to the family, to each other. I hope they would always remember the good things that they have done for each other and it would always outweight any negative preceptions that they may have for one another. No ganging up against a sibbling, instead talk and discuss it wisely with each other.
Dear Allah, I hope you will grant my doas and I know You know what and how I truly feel at this moment. Ya Allah, thank you for your guidance, and for everything. Thank you for letting me know their true colours, their true identity and their true intentions. Now I know the precationary measures needed for my future and children alike. Thank you...
But I thank You most for their roles in my life. I have truly cared about them, I truly enjoy their company and I wish them the very happiness in their lives. My heart is always open for them, and their families. After all, I have always believe that "air yang dicincang takkan putus".
