Selesa Hotel, here I come

I have to attend another meeting today. It starts at 2.00, at a hotel nearby. Near my school, a bit far from my humble abode. The meeting is till tomorrow, which means technically I have to spend the nite there. But, with a still breasfeeding infant, most probably I will drive back, regardless at what odd-hours the meeting wud adjourned. Then, head back to the hotel the next morning, continuing where we had left off.

Mr. Hubby had consented on me staying there... tapi...

These are part of the emotional turmoils a working mother has to go through. Career expectations, family responsibilities... and yet, we make the best of everything, kan?

Anyways... musti ku penat giler on wednesday, but nothing beats on skipping cocurricular activities. Yippee!!!

Be still my heart...

Basically, I am an emotional person. My heart has better control of my mind. Being a mother has made it worse. I keep thinking on my children's welfare if both Mr.Fred and I are no longer breathing in this polluted world.

Watching the news is not a pleasant task anymore. I browse through the papers, looking for interesting pieces of news, instead of perusing through it.

When others fight, go through tribulations in their marriages, has troubles in life, I get worried. I worried about them, worried that it could happen to me, worried what would happened to me and the kids if it were to happen to us, worried, worried, worried.

Every decision made, either by me or Mr.Fred, I would worry. Worry at the consequences, worry that it could be a wrong decision, worry, worry, worry.

The reasons...

1. The world is getting harsher and more difficult to live in, day by day. Family bond is not what it used to be. We tend to quarrel at petty things and we always wanna win in those fights. We feel that every decision that we make is right, we never care for explanations anymore. As long we emerge winners in the fights, we feel smug. We dig far and near to find battling grounds where we would emerge victorious. What happens next is beyond our care. Or we feel that simply by saying sorry, all broken fences would be mended. We forget that when harsh words are exchanged, there would be scars left behind. Some scars are superficials, they are easily healed. Some scars are beyond healing... So, how do we survived? We forget that when we fight, others are affected. Innocent parties. Parties who are torn when their loved ones bicker. They can't choose sides, for fear of losing any.

I have always believe that family is the root to and of everything. I truly pray that my children would grow up as a close knit family. That they would always be at each other side, through thick and thin. I hope they will never forget how special they are to me, and to each other. when they fight, words and decisions are made carefully as not to harm one another. They should remember that the objective of a fight is not to win, but to settle issues. They have to remember the outcome of every decision made, the impact it would create. To me, to the family, to each other. I hope they would always remember the good things that they have done for each other and it would always outweight any negative preceptions that they may have for one another. No ganging up against a sibbling, instead talk and discuss it wisely with each other.

Dear Allah, I hope you will grant my doas and I know You know what and how I truly feel at this moment. Ya Allah, thank you for your guidance, and for everything. Thank you for letting me know their true colours, their true identity and their true intentions. Now I know the precationary measures needed for my future and children alike. Thank you...

But I thank You most for their roles in my life. I have truly cared about them, I truly enjoy their company and I wish them the very happiness in their lives. My heart is always open for them, and their families. After all, I have always believe that "air yang dicincang takkan putus".

The Wind Beneath My Wings

My day began without my usual passenger by my side. The journey to Mr. Fred's eateries seemed very long... and very lonely. Farhan had to skip school today. He had to skip KAFA yesterday too. He is down with fever. I am slightly worried now that H1N1 is on the rise again. But, I will stay calm and collected, for I know that both Mr. Fred and I are just a phone call away.

When I reached Mr.Fred's, I was a bit down when my favourite breakfast (my Fred makes the most delicious mee rebus) wasn't ready. So, with my muncung lips, I had it packed and head off to work. Did not even salam Mr.Fred.

The work began with me invigilating 4 Techno. Had to climb up several flight of stairs to the Bilik Peperiksaan to get the papers. Heeshh... what a 'great' start to the day. When I was at the room, Mr.Fred started with his sms, bugging me to be online. He claimed what I did was a hit. I was greatly intrigued, yet he refused to divulge more information. Grrr... He knew I am a girl who rarely could contained her curiousity to herself. I rushed to the car and took out the laptop. After distributing the question papers, I logged in to the Facebook. Nothing interesting and amazing, I smsed to Mr. Fred. He gave a clue that it was linked to my blog. Again, I surfed.

What I saw nearly brought tears to my eyes. He has logged into my blog and wrote something beautiful and amazing. So, thank you sayang for making my day a great day today. Thank you for your love and patience... and understanding your wife bad habits and kedegilan tahap tepu... thank you for always being by my side. Luv, I truly dedicate the song Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler to you for you are truly my Wind Beneath My Wings...

Inilah Keluarga Bahagia

Setiap saat hidup ini penuh dengan suka duka kehidupan. Oleh yang demikian kami sentiasa memupukan perasaan cinta sesama sendiri. semakin hari semakin mendalam.

Dalam kehidupan ini pelbagai dugaan lagi cabaran yang harus ditempuhi. Alhamdullilah dalam kehidupan kami telah lengkap segala-galanya.  Kami bersyukur dan yakin dengan arah tuju. Selagi kita berada dalam landasan kebenaran tidak ada ranjau yang tak boleh dilalui.

Fatin Fatihah.

Anak yang paling bongsu ( setakat ini) kenali dari sifatnya  yakin Fatin seorang yang penyabar lagi bijak. Hingga kini Fatin masih lagi menyusu badan . Sentiasa menggembirakan keluarga. Neneknya bergitu mennyayangginya. Anak yang sentiasa ada senyuman manis walau giginya baru 2.

Farah Nadrah

Kelahirannya memeranjatkan kerana pada mulanya kami menyangkakan anak ini adalah lelaki. walau bagaimana pun kami tetap bersyukur dengan kelahirannya. Farah cukup aktif sehinggakan terasa sikap Farah lebih aktif bebanding dengan abangnya. sentiasa bersikap ceria. Dari telatahnya kerinduaan pasti timbul. Menjadi kesukaan atuknya.

Siti Khadijah.

Kerana eeija perempuan namanya telah di pilih oleh atuknya. Seorang yang lemah lembut. sering dibuli oleh adiknya. mana taknya hari2 pasti ada tanggisannya kerana Farah sering menggangunya. Mempunyai sikap ketelitian yang tinggi dan sentiasa berhati2 dari dalam pecakapan atau perbuatan sentiasa penuh dengan tertib.

Muhamad Amirul Farhan

Seorang ketua keluarga yang bakal menggantikan papanya. Mempunyai sikap tanggung jawap kepada adik2nya. walau pun sentiasa nakal Farhan sememangnya bertanggung jawap. bercita2 seperti papanya . Farhan teramat disayangi oleh mak longnya. ada sahaja aktiviti mereka bersama. Kami sebagai ibu bapa sentiasa menggajarnya mengenai tanggung jawap.

Hazleen

Mama kepada semua anak2nya. menjadi pilihan untuk tidur bersama anak2. mama yang penyayang juga kememeh dengan kerenah anak2nya. Bertanggung jawap serta sering membantu papa. Kasihkan keluarga mengatasi segala2nya. Sentiasa mencuba untuk lebih berjaya. walau ada kelemahan bagi papa kasih sayangnya telah mengatasi segalanya. Seorang yang boleh berdikari lagi mencari jalan penyelesaian.

Muhamad Farid

Seorang Papa yang mempunyai kasih telah mencuba agar segala2nya sempurna. Insan yang penyabar dengan kerenah manusia di sekelilingnya. Penuh tanggungjawab dan tidak mudah tewas dengan cabaran. InsyaAllah sayangku, rezeki Allah terbentang luas untuk kita. Selagi kita berusaha dan bertawakal, Aleen yakin, rezeki kita pasti ada dan melimpahi hidup kita sekeluarga. Thank you sayang for your love, patience and understanding. After all, you are the wind beneath my wings...

Itulah keluarga kami. Kasih sayang antara kami tak mungkin pudar selagi kami ada keyakinan antara satu sama lain. Semoga keharmonian dalam keluarga ini berkekalan selama2nya.... amin

eeyet

Psstt... Yang italics itu is written by his other half, me!

Nothing specific in mind

Felt like updating my blog, with very little ideas on what to write about. Am currently invigilating students' monthly exam and was able to peruse over the blogs by friends alike. While tinkering and toying over the net, I realised that I write very little nowadays. My command of the language is slippering down the hill. Know that I have to spend more time reading and writing. I don't want to be in trouble when I pursue my studies.

I have to be focused on my needs and my future. A very good friend of mine has 5 small children, the eldest in only in Year 2 and she has completed her PhD. Ari dearest, I'm very proud of you. Pray that my path towards a higher level of studies will be made easy. Another example that set my ambition on fire is my sister-in-law. She has completed her Masters and may switch job to another uni. Now that she has her masters, anything is possible.

I wonder if I could juggle family, work and studies well. I am a procastinator, a habit difficult to shake off since my uni days. Now with 4 kids in tow, the more reason to procastinate. Sigh...

Mr. Fred had asked me a few months back if I would like to be a lecturer, if I ever regretted resigning from the post of a lecturer... Sincerely, I missed having adults as students, where class management is a breeze, but I must say that I am happy with what I have. Allah has been very kind to me, but then He always is. And I hope this happy and blissful state that I am in will be continued and further flourished till the day I shut my eyes.

Life would be better if Mak is still around. Now that I am a mother myself, there are questions and stories I could share with her. Perhaps we could be closer now. Bond better. But then again, she might frown at the idea me living with my mother-in-law, although the fact is, it is the other way around. Hehehe... confused? Allow me to clarify. My husband was given a plot of land by his mother back in 90's. Then, being the only son, he was responsible to build a house big enough to accomodate his family. I wasn't in the picture back then. The girls in his family did not want the daunting task of having their names in the bank i-o-u list so he had to shoulder it on his own. He pays for the loan and all the utilities... so, it is his house by fact and opinion. There...

Ok, enuff nick nack for now. Gotta kutip the papers from the students. Till then... huhu

   

Entahler...

Entahler... You could complain about how life can be unfair a zillion times, how things do not go according to plan, etc. The list is endless... BUT... is life truly unfair?

I am a bit upset. The thing that I feei I deserved did not fall to me. Instead, it went to another person whom I personally feel did not deserve it. If the person does more than he should, perhaps, I wouldn't have mind. Entahler...

I am in a mixed up mood. Upset, unhappy... yet I know I am a bubbly and happy-go-lucky person who would soon shoo these negative emotions away. Nevertheless, I am still a homo sapien with feelings. Kan?

I know I have much to thank for. I have four beautiful and amazing children (eh? have there anyone who describe their children as ugly, etc on line? heh!), a loving and supportive husband, a blessed and blissful marriage, a very supporting mother-in-law, a doteful father, a very close-knit relationship with my younger brother, a nice working environment, and the most important factor of all, I have a religion! Ini gara-gara watching "Clash of the Titans" ler ni.

I know for sure that Allah has greater rewards for me, better than the ones I wish for. I remember how devastated I was over a failed relationship after my uni years. I cried and I prayed hard that the relationship would continue again. I'm glad and thankful it didn't for I am truly grateful and blessed that I met Mr. Fred, who is a far cry than the man I shed tears for. Truly... I now feel embarassed when Mr. Fred mentioned about the old flame. Malu wehh... 

Anyways... after writing this, I feel a lot better... I just need to be reminded of the good things i have surrounding me from time to time. And maybe its about time i seriously think about furthering my studies...

Mr.Fred and Fatin, waiting for our domino's

 Jantung hati mama...

  My princessess... I love you gals dearly, sayang...

Thank you Allah for your wonderful gifts that You have bestowed on me. Semoga Engkau senantiasa melimpahi aku dengan rahmatMu. Dan semoga jua, dengan limpahan nikmat dan rahmatMu, aku akan menjadi hambaMU yang solehah. AMIN!

I'm Baaaaaackkkkkkkkkkk...

It has been some time since I last wrote. Been swamped with school work. One week after another. First, school PTA General Meeting. As the secretary, I was loaded with a zillion work to be done to ensure the program runs smoothly. Alhamdulillah, I think it went rather well. (a little pat at the back, please. hehe). Then, last week we had another Canteen Day, organised by the PTA. Name je organised by the PTA, but as usual the work is carried out by the teachers and students. Now you know why the teachers are stressed and depressed.

Personally, I love being a teacher. I love teaching and I love the fact that my work is not confined to the desk. There are always different challenges waiting for you. I agree that the work is never ending, with lessons to be planned, teaching materials to be prepared, work to be assessed... It can get to your nerves, I agree. But I remember words of encouragement form a colleague and another parent from the PTA committee. InsyaAllah, ada ganjarannya. Hanya Allah yang menentukan adakah balasannya di dunia atau di akhirat nanti. However, I feel stressed up when the school administrators kept putting the load at particular teachers, not delegating it to ALL teachers. Hence, this is where the pressure comes in.

Anyways...

Will try to upload the pictures when I can