Tuesday 11 October 2011

Feelings

Today is 11th October 2011, which  simply means that I only have less than 4 days before my grand departure to the Holy Land - Mecca. My feelings right now... bits of every emotion possible rolled into one.

Rasa takut... sebab mengenangkan diri yang terlalu banyak dosa. tidak tahu apakan dugaan dan cabaran yang menanti di sana. I could only surrender myself to Him, knowing and believing that He has plan the best for me.

Rasa sedih ... I would be leaving my love ones behind. I have never been apart from from my children at a very long time, now I would be leaving them for more than 45 days. My son will be under the care of my in laws while my daughters will be in care of my father, brothers and maid in Gombak. I have no worries about Farhan, but I cannot say the same for my daughters.

Khadijah is affected by eczema, a skin disease that left her elbows in terrible condition. I worry that my maid will be caught up with the other kids that she may not have the time to rub lotion and oil at the affected area frequently.

Fatin and Farah too cause me to worry. I worry that their aggressiveness and activeness may cause chaotic at the Gombak house. Recently Along has kindly painted the PD house walls and lo-behold, these two had added murals. I tried to scrub it clean, I only managed to scrape the paint off the walls. If they were to do it at Gombak house, Arrgghhh.., mati mak, Jah!

Hehe...

The truth is, I feel sad and worried. I feel sad over family relationships (both his and mine), worry that our departure to the Holy Land will cause others to be burdened, kesian kat my father-in-law, dan macam-macam lagi. Hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu perang perasaan yang sedang berlaku di hati ini. Ntahle... Berserahlah wahai HAzleen Ahmad pada yang maha Esa.... sesungguhnya hanya dia yang Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Mengasihani.






Monday 10 October 2011

Cabaran vs Dugaan

InsyaAllah, jika tiada halangan dan aral, pertengahan bulan Oktober ini, aku akan melangkah menongkah arus untuk memulakan hidup yang baru. A better person, a better muslim, a better everything. But, it aint easy for an old dog to learn new tricks, for a leopard to change its spots.

For me to achieve what I target, I need to change myself. As the late Michael Jackson said in his song,  I have to begin with the man in the mirror.

Things that I need to change are mountaneous, a never-ending list. But I have to start somewhere. So, number 1:

I need to learn to restrain my tongue from lashing out words that reflect my tempremental side. Though it may be good in expressing yourself clearly and people will not take you for granted, I need to channel my thoughts and opinions in better ways possible. Ways that should reflect maturity and wittiness in handling profession and family issues. AMIN!

Number 2 : I need to focus on positive sides of everything in life, be it other peoples' attitudes and things that happen in my life. I need to be thankful for everything, be it sweet, sour, everything. Bukanlah aku ni manusia yang tidak bersyukur, tetapi aku kena lebih berfikiran positif dan tenang dalam melalui liku-liku kehidupan. InsyaAllah, setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya dan ganjaran Allah pada umatnya yang sabar amatlah besar.

If a debtor fail to settle your debts, it simply means that Allah is showing you the way to lead a ZUHUD lifestyle. Continue reciting prayers for him/her to willingly pay the debts is also a sign of Istiqamah, which simply means never to give up and persistence in your beliefs that Allah has plan the best for you.

Number 3: I have to stop thinking ill of anyone and everyone. Must always think the best in everyone, insyaAllah, people will think the best of me.  

Number 4: I need to triple up on my relationship with Allah. Sembahyang, puasa, sedeqah, jariah, everything. HE has always given me the best, though there are times when I thought otherwise.

Next, aku kena lebih banyak menyemai sifat rendah diri. I realised there are many great people out there. Aku tidak boleh merasakan yang aku sentiasa benar,orang di sekeliling ku yang salah dan berada di paksi yang serong. Aku juga akan cuba untuk berfikiran positif. Jika ditegur, ada insan yang sudi untuk membantu aku mempertingkatkan kewibawaan dan potensi diri. InsyaAllah.

I too need to change the negatives to positives. The truth is, lately, I am often hurt by  my other half. His attitudes, his speech, almost everything. I feel that he puts the needs of his staff first before mine. He doesn't care much about my family, what they feel. He think  that it is they who should understand his line of duty. Tapi, bak kata abah, asyik abah je nak faham keadaan dia, mana boleh jadi. Gulp! Reality bites you hard at the bum. Alamak, I digress. Anyways, with his shortcomings, Allah has given me opportunities to be a super person. Since he is super busy with his work, I am given more time to spend and educate my children. Wouldn't I be extra proud to know I am greatly responsible for my childrens 'success? Lagipun, if my children fail to shine in the academic area, it reflects failure in my career. What type of a teacher am I if I fail to bring academic success to my own children...

With so many things that I need to "undo", I realised that time is running short and I need to work at all possible angles as fast as I can. In the end, I hope that Allah will bestow us with a safe journey, and of course haji yang mabrur...



Tuesday 6 September 2011

I am blessed

There are so many things things in life that make me feel blessed and eternally grateful. All these made me realize that Allah truly cares for me, despite my wrong doings in life. This entry is dedicated to friends who have always been with me through happiness and tears.

Thank you for believing in me even when I doubt myself,
Making me laugh when tears are clouding my eyes,
Lending me your ears though the stories are reruns that may bore you,
Loving me and accepting me for who I am...

To all my darling friends,

Only Allah will know how to bestow and reward you for your kindness and happiness that you have shared with me and family. I thank you from the bottomless love in my heart.


Monday 1 August 2011

Ramadhan Datang Lagi

Adakah aku bersedia menghadapi ramadhan tahun ini?
Dapatkah aku memperbaiki ibadahku?
Semoga Ramadhan kali ini penuh erti

Tuesday 19 July 2011

Of contact lenses and glasses



Yup. I'm wearing lenses now, thanx to my optometrist who urged me to "try" using lenses to put a stop at my astigmatism which keep rising like a cake with an overdose of baking powder.

If you asked me which do I prefer, with hands tied down, my answer would always be, GLASSES! Easy to wear, little to no maintenance, and I have been putting these on since i was in primary school. Lenses, on the other hand, requires you to be disciplined. And neat. As a pin. There are so many things that you need to consider, do before you put it into your eyes. And putting it on ain't an easy task too. I took more than 5 minutes on my first day, and thank god the time is getting shorter by the day. Kalo tak, ada yang kena campak dalam tong sampah dengan selambanya nih. Hehe... And I forgot, its costlier too. With all the solutions and what nots... Huhu

Apa-apa pun, we shall wait for the results after putting these on for at least a year. If things are improving, then this love-hate relationship may last longer. If not, I've been eyeing this Channel glasses...

Wednesday 13 July 2011

Woohoo... PVR Decoder babeh

Can't imagine me to have such a vogue body


Kecoh, I know. But then, I have always been a kehpohchi. So what? Ahaks. Anyways, we received a call from Astro last Friday, offering a PVR decoder at no charges and the RM20 extra-on-the-bill monthly fees would also be waived if we agreed to install the decoder. We were only oblige to pat installation fees of RM150, a 50% rebate from the usual charges. After giving it some thought, we decided to go for it. I guess En. Boyfriend is feeling guilty for taking off with the dvd player in the room. Haha..

So, after waiting for 5 days, the Astro boys came and had it installed. Yahoo... Now I'll be able to catch up with my tv programmes that had to make way for the children's cartoon show. We decided to record the CSI show schedules at 8.00 pm tonite and busily marking and what shows a.k.a. movies that will take up the 200 hour time allocated to each decoder. And when the time is filled, we were only required to delete the shows we have watched to make room for more. Wokey, easy as a bee. Will definitely write a review on it after giving it some try. Till then...


Tuesday 12 July 2011

Feels like writing over nothing

My hands have been itching to type... yet  I have nothing in particular to kecoh-mecoh about. Feel like uploading photos taken from our latest acquisition, but the mood aint right. Maybe the time of the month is nearby, hence the mood swing. Aiyoo... May this broody feeling not last, and bubbly composure would be returned. Till then, sayonara means goodbye...

Sunday 10 July 2011

Alamak

Salam. Arini g belajar lagi, kesinambungan dari apa yang dipelajari semalam. Tapi, pelajaran arini tidak seceria semalam, Mungkin kerana semalam ada sesi praktikal, jadi pembelajaran lebih teransang, something that I should remember and put into pratice as a teacher myself. Walaubagaimanapun, masih banyak ilmu yg dipelajari. Betul kata ustazah, makin banyak yang dipelajari, makin kita sedar betapa ceteknya ilmu kita.

Salah satu perkara yang menginsafkan ialah, dugaan berada di mana-mana. Semalam dugaannya bagiku ialah "rakan-rakan sekuliah" yang tidak lagi berminat dengan apa yang Ustazah ingin sampaikan. Mungkin mereka merasakan perkara itu tidak lagi akan menyusahkan mereka ada isteri-isteri mereka yang tidak lagi mengalami sindrom bulanan yang akan mengganggu ibadah mereka kelak. Mungkin jua mereka ini lupa yang ada di antara kami ini masih lagi muda remaja (eh?), jadi kami perlu memberi perhatian kepada apa yang disampaikan. Tapi amat susah untuk memberi perhatian sebab cerita2 mereka berkenaan harta duniawi pun best jugak untuk didengari. Hehehe... Dugaan.

Dalam perjalanan pulang, En. Suami telah memandu ke Giant Nilai berhampiran dengan USIM. Rupa-rupanya ada barangan kedai yang masih belum mencukupi. Terdetik perasaan simpati di hati ini. Masih belum selesai kerjanya. Sementara menunggu En. Suami menjelaskan pembayaran di kaunter, ternampak pula Guardian sedang hangat dengan jualan diskaunnya. Harus pergi singgah... Boleh jugak menjamu mata dan menambah ekonomi Guardian tuh.

Sedang membelek2 barangan kosmetik, dengan niat untuk menambah ketebalan bedak di muka, seorang jurujual telah datang dan terus menghulurkan produk Safi Rania Gold. Katanya, produk Olay sudah tidak lagi efektif untuk kulitku (sebelum tu dia tanya pakai produk apa, aku yang jujur lagi telus jawablah Olay). Aku seharusnya berhijrah ke produk yang dapat membantu mengawal kedutan2 halus di muka dan membuat I look younger and prettier. Omakaiii.... terkezut den dongar apa yg terkeluar dr mulut comelnya tuh. Ku ingat ku dah cukup gebu dan montok untuk menutup segala kedut2 di muka nih, rerupanya... selama ni I perasaaaannnn you. 

Dan akibat kejahilanku, akhirnya...


ini pun bertukar tangan. I kan memang penjana ekonomi yang tegar .... Uwaaa...



Thursday 7 July 2011

Mak rajin nokkss...

It ain't easy for a leopard to change its spots, nor for an old dog to learn new tricks. But this coming-to-age-lady must learn to make changes if she wish to lead a better life. Huhu... as the header says, I must at least work hard on it. 

So, last nite, I turned in early (at 10.30 pm), and was able to wake up at 5.00. Earlier that nite, I had soaked the meehoon (vermicelli) and some dried chillies. Peeled the required ingredients and all that I deemed necessary in cooking fried mee hoon. Hence, I would have little to no problem in cooking a storm breakfast today.Macam nak buat kenduri jer my kecohness ni.... Hehehe

I finished up messing the kitchen and leaving the whole jumbo-mumbo for the maid to clean up (heck, that's what maids are for, rite?), it was still early. So, I watched a little tv while getting ready for work. Then, on the way to school, I realised that I should have used the time to recite the Quran. Dapat several lines pun jadiklah. Geeshh... should have used my time wisely from now on. Memang susah nak jadi baik ni sebenarnya, but I hope that Allah will help to lead me the right way throughout my life and after. 

Back to the rajin part of my life today, it does feel good to see your husband and child gobbling down the food that you had prepared. Khadijah was able to recite Al-Fatihah rather loud, compared to previous mornings where I often had to asked her to recite louder. Hmm... a motivation for me to be a diligent mum.

Anyone reading this blog may wonder what's the big deal in preparing a very simple dish as fried mee hoon and it deserves a place in my blog. The answers are simple, 1. hey, it's my blog, I can write on anything that crosses my mind. 2. for a lazy and knows-nothing-about-cooking bum like me, hebatlah tu. 3. I have no idea what to share actually. Hehehe


So, let me end by showing you my breakfast for the day. (Kurang sikit contribution to Mizan's coffer)






Thursday 30 June 2011

Of Meetings & Datings

For the numerous time this month, I was flooded with meetings at the State Education Department (JPNS). I usually looked forward to these meetings, seeing friends from all over Negeri Sembilan, catching up on gossips news on each others' life, and everyone's else, but too much time out of class puts dents in my schedule. And this time around, and for reasons I can't phantom, I find it difficult to bounce back to schedule. Arrgghh!!! And I truly hate it when things don't go as planned.

BUT one thing I trully love about meetings held in Seremban is that if it is on Thursday. Why? Easy. That is the only day that En. Boyfriend hangs up his apron and the eaterie is closed for the nite. Hence, this is the only time of the week that I am able to see him more than 5 hours at one go. in between the kids, makan2, sempatler jeling-jeling and hold hands. Gatals, I know... But I rather be gatals with him than with any other man, and vice-versa. After all, he is my halal boyfriend, kan? Hehehe...

Anyways, today we had a date at Jusco, just him, Fatin and I. Our first stop was to purchased tickets for Transformers 3, and then we head off for a bite. it turned to be a huge bite at Manhattan Fish Market where we had Mushroom Soup, chowder Soup, Grilled Gala Platter, Mushroom Fritters and Chocolate milkshakes. Surprising, the food tasted yummylicious this time around. I fell in love with the mushroom soup, something very different what is often served at other fast food outlets. Will definitely come back for more.

Next, we went to the surau and did what is needed to be done. Then we were off to the cinema. Where we watched...


TRANSFORMERS 3: DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.

VERDICT: Nothing much can be said if you're  Transformers buff, but I must say that the storyline was rather predictable but could still make me rooted to d seats... Go watch it guys!!!

All in all, came back home tired BUT contented. Alhamdullah


Spring Cleaning Time!

Oh my, oh my! Its been ages since I last opened my blog. If you want excuses reasons, I have a plenty. I am, after all, well known for my procastination and laziness. Ooohhh... I've tried to change myself a gazillion times, but ... sigh! 

I hope to change for the better, and hopefully, work harder in achieving all that I dream of. 

I hope for many things in my life, and I pray for at least most of to be fulfilled. May Allah help me in everything that I do. AMIN!