Today is 11th October 2011, which simply means that I only have less than 4 days before my grand departure to the Holy Land - Mecca. My feelings right now... bits of every emotion possible rolled into one.
Rasa takut... sebab mengenangkan diri yang terlalu banyak dosa. tidak tahu apakan dugaan dan cabaran yang menanti di sana. I could only surrender myself to Him, knowing and believing that He has plan the best for me.
Rasa sedih ... I would be leaving my love ones behind. I have never been apart from from my children at a very long time, now I would be leaving them for more than 45 days. My son will be under the care of my in laws while my daughters will be in care of my father, brothers and maid in Gombak. I have no worries about Farhan, but I cannot say the same for my daughters.
Khadijah is affected by eczema, a skin disease that left her elbows in terrible condition. I worry that my maid will be caught up with the other kids that she may not have the time to rub lotion and oil at the affected area frequently.
Fatin and Farah too cause me to worry. I worry that their aggressiveness and activeness may cause chaotic at the Gombak house. Recently Along has kindly painted the PD house walls and lo-behold, these two had added murals. I tried to scrub it clean, I only managed to scrape the paint off the walls. If they were to do it at Gombak house, Arrgghhh.., mati mak, Jah!
Hehe...
The truth is, I feel sad and worried. I feel sad over family relationships (both his and mine), worry that our departure to the Holy Land will cause others to be burdened, kesian kat my father-in-law, dan macam-macam lagi. Hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu perang perasaan yang sedang berlaku di hati ini. Ntahle... Berserahlah wahai HAzleen Ahmad pada yang maha Esa.... sesungguhnya hanya dia yang Maha Mengetahui lagi Maha Mengasihani.
