This is a picture of my younger brother Adam. Dunno why but I suddenly recalled an entry in a previous blog on him being away to the UK. Sekarang dah balik dah pun. Dah keje dah pun. How time flies! Below is the excerpt taken from my prevoius blog. To adik, I'm proud of you dear. And I luv you...Reality Check!
Sunday strikes again. Not that I don't adore Sunday, but it reminds me that my working hours is just around the corner. Holidays are never enuff for me. There are millions things to do at home, keeping up with the kids, etc. But I don't see myself as a non-working mother. I think work is what keep me sane around my children. Hehehe... Maybe in a way I feel gulity for the time spent away from them that whenever I am at home, I try my very best to be the best mum possible. In other words, their tantrums are met with smiles and looks of adoration, instead of the step-mum-glares and naggings. Those are saved for the school holidays.While doing notes to be used in the classes to come, had the time to peruse over my little bro's blog. What caught my eyes was at his description of himself where he mentioned "miss my sayang so much". "Ugghhh.... geeeliiii. Isyhh budak ni. Belajar dululah, sebok nak bergirlfriend!" those were my initial feelings upon reading those lines. But then, reality checks in. My brother is no longer the small boy that use to follow my butt around kl, hanging out with me and my girlfriends... His teeth are no longer filled with cavities that made me scringed whenever he opened his mouth... I no longer need to give him cough syrup to make him fall asleep so that I would have time to be on my own.
I now realised my "little" brother is no longer little. He has grown up. He has now become my friend. My shoulder to cry on. I remember the time when I was heartbroken over my first love, he was the one that I went to to pour my heart out. When our mother passed away, one glanced shared and we both burst to tears. No words needed to acknowledge the feelings that we shared. ( A trait highly frowned upon by my elder brother... hehehe). I am no longer his "favourite" girl, someone that he turns to in confidente... someone that he looks up to. How could he when he is inches taller than I am! Now, in his own way, he is the one shelving out advice to me, especially in regards to my sordid relationship with my other sibbling. He has instead become my pillar of strength, a reminder to me that i still have a family to fall back on...
I could still remember the time when he called to confirm his departure date to UK... It gave me several sleepless nites. My hubby had often reminded that the day would come and I need to be prepared - mentally - on letting my brother go. I cried buckets, yelling at my hubby that he doesn't know the predicament that I was going through. How could he... for I never told him the important role my darling brother plays in my life. Without him around, I know I will be losing touch with the family I left behind in KL. You see, I could NEVER win the love of my other sibbling, try hard as I could. Everything about me seems to bring embarassment to him. He shuts me out of his life, making the attempts on my behalf seem shallow and desperate. Hence, my little brother's departure to Wye brought sadness to me... instead of happiness that he deserves. Due to that, plus the fact that I was not able to help financially, I pretended that I was busy with my family and pregnancy. I wanted the arth to open up and swallow me whole so I won't have to face this ordeal... the embarassment that his sister is not as rich as she hopes to be... not able to help as much as she wish... But again, reality seep in and I realised that I should not be selfish. My brother is carving his future... my brother is growing up... My brother is going abroad, something that I wasn't able to do. That brought a smile to my face. It also gave me courage to send him off at the airport. But... not enough to stay till the end. Sigh!
I'm sorry brother dear, for being weak. I hope I could be brave as you are. I know that living alone in a foreign country could be diificult. But I know, and I have faith, that you will be able to make the most of it. You are capable of spinning webs of happiness from the silver linings of the black clouds. How do I know this? Search deep in your heart...you know it's true.
So, Adam dearest, if you are reading this blog, I am sorry for all the wrong things that were uttered, for all the things that were unsaid, for not being there in the time of needs, and many more. I can't seem to put words together now for the tears are clouding my eyes ... Adam, I realised that in a few months time, you will be awarded with the key to freedom, therefore, I am ready to let you go. Fly high as a kite, brother dearest, and soar among the eagles, be cushioned among the clouds. But brother dearest, just like the kite, there will always be a string attached to hold you firmly to the ground so you'll know the way back home... and at the end of the string, you will see me looking up at you, smiling proudly at the way you fly and with open arms will fold you with love when you are ready to be back to the ground.
I now realised my "little" brother is no longer little. He has grown up. He has now become my friend. My shoulder to cry on. I remember the time when I was heartbroken over my first love, he was the one that I went to to pour my heart out. When our mother passed away, one glanced shared and we both burst to tears. No words needed to acknowledge the feelings that we shared. ( A trait highly frowned upon by my elder brother... hehehe). I am no longer his "favourite" girl, someone that he turns to in confidente... someone that he looks up to. How could he when he is inches taller than I am! Now, in his own way, he is the one shelving out advice to me, especially in regards to my sordid relationship with my other sibbling. He has instead become my pillar of strength, a reminder to me that i still have a family to fall back on...
I could still remember the time when he called to confirm his departure date to UK... It gave me several sleepless nites. My hubby had often reminded that the day would come and I need to be prepared - mentally - on letting my brother go. I cried buckets, yelling at my hubby that he doesn't know the predicament that I was going through. How could he... for I never told him the important role my darling brother plays in my life. Without him around, I know I will be losing touch with the family I left behind in KL. You see, I could NEVER win the love of my other sibbling, try hard as I could. Everything about me seems to bring embarassment to him. He shuts me out of his life, making the attempts on my behalf seem shallow and desperate. Hence, my little brother's departure to Wye brought sadness to me... instead of happiness that he deserves. Due to that, plus the fact that I was not able to help financially, I pretended that I was busy with my family and pregnancy. I wanted the arth to open up and swallow me whole so I won't have to face this ordeal... the embarassment that his sister is not as rich as she hopes to be... not able to help as much as she wish... But again, reality seep in and I realised that I should not be selfish. My brother is carving his future... my brother is growing up... My brother is going abroad, something that I wasn't able to do. That brought a smile to my face. It also gave me courage to send him off at the airport. But... not enough to stay till the end. Sigh!
I'm sorry brother dear, for being weak. I hope I could be brave as you are. I know that living alone in a foreign country could be diificult. But I know, and I have faith, that you will be able to make the most of it. You are capable of spinning webs of happiness from the silver linings of the black clouds. How do I know this? Search deep in your heart...you know it's true.
So, Adam dearest, if you are reading this blog, I am sorry for all the wrong things that were uttered, for all the things that were unsaid, for not being there in the time of needs, and many more. I can't seem to put words together now for the tears are clouding my eyes ... Adam, I realised that in a few months time, you will be awarded with the key to freedom, therefore, I am ready to let you go. Fly high as a kite, brother dearest, and soar among the eagles, be cushioned among the clouds. But brother dearest, just like the kite, there will always be a string attached to hold you firmly to the ground so you'll know the way back home... and at the end of the string, you will see me looking up at you, smiling proudly at the way you fly and with open arms will fold you with love when you are ready to be back to the ground.
