A friend had posted on the facebook our photos back in the secondary days. Wow... and it brought back memories and I certainly cringed when I saw those photos. Then, I had a good laugh over it.
Growing up, life wasn't a bed of roses I must say. Money was rather tight, yet I had yearned for things that only parents of 5 digits income could afford. I believe I wasn't the best daughter to my parents, lazy most of the time. Lazy to study, lazier to help around the house. Now that I am a working mother like my mother was, I realized that my mother was a supermom. Breakfast would be ready before we embarked to our destination. I would gobble down food in the car as we leave very early in the morning to beat traffic blues. When we reached home in the evening, my mother would rushed through her Asar prayers before getting dinner ready. My task was to cook rice (not through the rice cooker, mind you), then I would hide away in my bedroom, pretending to be busy with my schoolwork. Teruk ey? I hung my head low recalling how terrble my behaviour was during the difficult teenage years.
Hence, this piece of writing is a reminder that I should follow my mother's example in taking care of my loved ones. I used to blame my mother for her not loving me as much she had loved my brother, Hezal. You could always tell how much she had loved him. I was the apple of my father's eyes that it used to be the quarelling point between my parents. Then puberty and the arrival of my little brother Adam hit our lives. I had always felt left out in my family's lives. Called it whatever you want, but that was how I felt during those ackward moments in my life.
Now, I realised that a mother's love is boundless. My mother may not show her love for me, making our relationship difficult, but she still loved me nevertheless. Therefore, I should not let the past repeat itself by showering my children with my love. They have to know that they are the pillars in my life, they are the reason why my life is now filled with colours and happiness that I had never imagined I could achieved. Alhamdulillah. Allah is Almighty. He had given me unhappiness so I would appreciate my happiness better.
Those reading this blog may wonder why am I bearing my skeletons when I should keep it behind close doors. I am not airing my dirty linens in public. This is just a reminder to myself and to my children about love. Love may not be shown, displayed, but that doesn't mean that the love is not around.
Hence, to my children, Farhan, Khadijah, Farah and Fatin, despite my being strict with you, despite my temper, you guys would and will always be the epitome of my life. InsyaAllah, nothing will change that. I love you guys, and only death would do us apart, AMIN.
